My vacation….to the dentist

Being a mom to three boys four and under doesn’t leave much time for r and r. Don’t get me wrong. I love being a mom, but I’m no martyr—everyone needs a break now and then. Since this gig is 24/7, I have to take what I can get, when I can get it! 

I used to dream of all inclusive vacations to the Caribbean….now I linger by the pineapples in produce and hum, “One love, walla walla wall-aaaaa.”  (I believe in the business world, this is called a “paradigm shift”.) Either way, I relish my solo trips to places like the grocery store and the dentist for the glorious taste of freedom that they are.

Everyone seems to grumble about going to the dentist. The dentist gets a bad rap, but I’m here to tell you, that’s totally undeserved. For one thing, unlike the doctor, the dentist does not make you strip down and wear a decidedly unfashionable, cold paper johnny….(hi, you’d think in New England they could at least make them out of fleece and not flipping coffee filter material…how about not adding insult to injury, doc?) At the dentist, you get to keep the clothes on your back and the shoes on your feet. YOU decide how fashionable or unfashionable you want to be!

Another bonus, the dentist so does not care what you weigh!! You don’t need to cower in your paper gown, waiting for the nurse to come in, bark out your weight, and record it for all eternity in a chart you can’t even see! At the doctor, they take your blood, your urine—they take, take, take—and then tell you nothing (except maybe lay off the Oreos, Chubs!) At the dentist, everything they do is an open book….they take your x-rays, slap ’em up on the screen, and tell you what’s up right then and there.  Bam! You get to know all your teeth biz….no lines, no waiting, no calling back to chase results. And, you leave with a gift, every.single.time. I love prizes! Who doesn’t want a shiny new toothbrush?

But the best part?  The dentist’s waiting room is a virtual smut magazine bonanza—People, US, OK!…oh yeah, they’ve got it going on. And since they’re bound to run late, you can catch up with all the latest Brangelina biz in peace! Hmm…we might be on to something here….flossing, good bye. I’m taking my chances for an extra dental visit!!!

I mean, everyone knows the dentist is the one who has the all the good trashy mags….you go to the ob and fuhgettaboutit….it’s all Healthy Pregnancy this and Being a Good Mom that……ahh….no thannnnk youuuuuuuu! Too late and……well, the jury’s still out. Either way, not how I want to spend my few moments of glorious freedom. (While I love love love my OB and all her partners, their choice in reading material, as well as gowns, is dubious.)

So who wants to meet me in the deli line or the dentist’s waiting room, say Friday, 7-ish?



Filed under Mom-ness, Some things just don't fit into a neat little box. The uncategory!, Yo! It's a girl thing!

18 responses to “My vacation….to the dentist

  1. Michelle T

    So true, girlfriend! I even manage to nap while my teeth are being cleaned.

  2. Meegan

    What ever book you write I would buy it. You are soooo funny

  3. Kristi

    It’s amazing that the simple things in life make your day, isn’t it? I love it. I’m excited about driving to work at night because it’s quiet. Fabulous.

  4. Doctor offices are all about the privacy act, why can’t we be private about our weights? Very funny blog!

  5. Siobhan

    Ahhhh….the dentist. I have long been singing his praises for those reasons my friend. I also find it quite relaxing lying in that chair…that overhead beacon actually functions like a little heating lamp! Love the blog…keep the stories coming…I always need a good laugh these days! Thanks for today’s!!

  6. peasoutmama

    Congrats on getting the blog up! And yes, I agree — very funny!

  7. Kim Naioti

    Awesome! Good for you. I started writing a book 5 years ago and I think I made it to page 3. You are funny and keep writing!

  8. Judy Verespy

    You are as funny inprint as you are in person! Keep writing!!!

  9. Amen! i love the dentist simply for the fact that i can lay back, close my eyes and relax. sure they’re sticking pokey things in my teeth and flicking crud and toothpaste all over my face… but it’s MY time!

    glad we got you out here on the interwebs… keep the stuff coming!

  10. Nancy

    So nice to see your stuff! Keep it coming! (And at one of hubby’s dental offices, if you get the right chair, you can also look out over a resevoir. A little relaxing view with your “me time!” In the other office, you see… wallpaper. So you know which one I try to go to!)

  11. Lisa Feeney

    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this… I love reading everything you write!!!! You crack me up and have such a great talent!!!! Looking forward to more!!

  12. Michelle Robinson

    When my cute but collicky oldest was little and not sleeping much at all, I nodded off and clamped down during my teeth cleaning. The hygenist jumped a mile and screamed so loud I think she woke up the Mom in the next chair.

  13. Molly McIntyre Brennan

    Hilarious! Love the coffee filter comparison! Keep on writing!

  14. Sue

    So funny – I could not stop laughing out loud. I could use one of these posts daily, please! I guess I should start going to the dentist without the kids!

  15. Jamie Tighe

    Oh that is just classic!!!!!!!! Love it!!!!!!!

  16. Liz

    Tooo funny ,,, but why you got to be dissing the docs- we don’t order the coffee filter johnnies- that’s the office manager!!!!! Love the blog…. it’s all so true…

    • jrfrong

      HA! I wondered if my doctor friends would have something to say about that! Stop passing the buck…the office managers work for you guys, no?!! WE WANT FLEECE, WE WANT FLEECE!

  17. kate

    So great Twig! Just love it and love that you are writing! 🙂

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