Dear man who invented daylight savings,
I don’t know who you are, where you come from, or what you look like.
You could be as adorable as John Krasinski, as funny as Vince Vaughan, and as philanthropic as Bill Gates. Well good for you. I really don’t know and I really don’t care.
The only thing I do know….is that you don’t have kids. Because if you did, you would never, ever, EVER have created daylight savings.
I don’t like you.
You’re a mean man. A mean, mean, Meanie McMeanie of a man.
I know that’s harsh. It is.
And I know I have a bit of a reputation now, what with my imagined corn on the cob rage from the supermarket (please refer to, “STEP AWAY FROM THE CORN ON THE COB, AND NO ONE GETS HURT”), but I really am a nice, kind person. I have a sense of humor even. But I see no humor in what you have concocted.
Year after year, you package daylight savings as this fantastic opportunity to grab an extra hour of sleep, and I bought it up until I had kids. Now I know what you’re selling is a lie. I’m onto you and the whole, ugly truth.
Listen here guy, nothing in life is free, not even sleep! That faux hour of sleep you trick me into thinking I’m getting every year? Yeah, I end up paying dividends for it! See, when you make us “fall back” and turn the clocks back one hour in Autumn, it wreaks havoc on the internal clock of every child in this house (And I dare say America, but I have no proof… and I’d hate to make a false assertion—unlike YOU!)
When my kids wake up on daylight savings morning and I think, “Wow, they slept til 7. Yahooie!” It’s a lie. It’s really just 6 AM renamed 7 AM. It’s still 6 AM! No one really slept in after all! See, getting up at 6 AM with three little boys and calling it 7 AM, doesn’t really make it any more fun—- just so we’re clear.
And you know what else? It’s even LESS fun on day two….when the baby starts cockadoodledoo-ing at 4:50 AM. Yes AM! That’s ten til 5. AM. Even the birds aren’t awake yet! Throw in the other two who start chirping at half past the ass crack of five, and I am wishing you some very, very bad karma, sir. (Yet, why do I picture you slumbering peacefully on 400 thread count sheets on some ginormous California king bed somewhere, ALONE,while my morning routine falls apart around me?)
On daylight savings day, when I have to put my baby down for his nap at 8 AM new time, 9 AM old time, it really gets confusing. By early afternoon, I’m stopping in my tracks to figure out what time it really is, and trying to calculate when I should put him down for his afternoon nap while keeping bedtime in mind. I look from the microwave to my watch to the wall clock and forget which clock I changed (maybe I’d be a little more alert had I REALLY gotten more sleep!) and get flummoxed for a second. I realize I’m no NASA scientist but I can tell time, I assure you. Except…on the day we change the clocks. And don’t EVEN get me started when I find myself having a mini panic attack a week later in my car— when I’m finally getting used to the change and freak we’re an hour late for something because it’s the one clock I forgot to change!
By dinner time at 6 PM on time change day, I’m wondering why the baby is doing head bobs into his applesauce and realize, “Shoot! It’s really 7, he should be getting ready for bed right now!” Add a toddler and a 4 year old who are hopped up on candy from Halloween the night before, and a freaky full moon, and you’ve got a perfect parental storm.
So, I just want to know…what did we parents ever do to you? Because not only have you robbed us of precious sleep in the morning (Might I add…you’ve robbed the most sleep deprived of their sleep….you’ve taken from those who can least afford it! How low can you go?), you’ve blown any chance we have of taking our kids out to play after afternoon naps. Soon it will be dark at 4 pm around here. Never mind what it does to my personal psyche, it’s kinda hard to kick the ball with our kids when we can’t even see the ball. It’s rough getting up the steps to the slide when we don’t know where the steps are! (And besides, my kids are afraid the dark. And I might be too. Just a little bit.)
See, that extra hour of sun streaming into my kids bedrooms in the morning? Not helpful. We really could use the daylight later in the day when it’s time to blow off steam. We’re not really saving our daylight at all….we’re paying for it on the back end. Why? Because now witching hour has to take place indoors. We might have to turn on the tv, and depending on how ugly things get, some days mommy might need to take a drink.
This daylight savings is for what? What is your point, exactly? Someone told me it’s so the farmers can have more daylight to work. Nothing against farmers, I know they are extremely hardworking and they provide food for my family, but good or bad, there are more strip malls than farmers around these parts!!
My friend summed it up almost perfectly this morning, “Yesterday was the longest day EVER.” But it’s not the longest day ever, it’s the longest week ever! It will take AT LEAST a week of calculated effort to clean up your time change mess!
I don’t know what else to say to you, except you better spend the next six months thinking about how you can make it up to us in spring!
muffintopmommy (and friends)